Hi everyone, today I would like to discuss the challenges parents face when considering crossing international borders with their children (in the hopes of escaping either a psychotic, narcissistic, violent ex-partner, or a horrifyingly unjust legal system).

I have had many parents consult with me – some prior, but mostly post-escape – therefore, in the hopes of preventing any regrets afterwards (from a lack of information / knowledge / planning), here are some points to keep in mind:

  1. The Hague Convention against international child abduction is not your only enemy / nightmare. Many parents are so focused on this treaty that they forget the other crucial legislation that could have them (and their children) sent back to their home country (and perpetrator): Extradition legislations. Always make sure you do your research BEFORE you decide to settle in your host country. Most of the problems parents face occur in their host country. I get told many a time by parents: “We didn’t know that this country has an extradition treaty with our home country! What happens now?” My heart goes out to these parents and I always try my best to assist them whenever and wherever possible.
  2. The most important thing to remember is: Don’t panic. Whilst extradition laws may seem daunting, frightening (and traumatising), and just plain devastating (just when you thought you were safe and away from all that BS…), it is a (long) process. International legal cases are a bureaucratic nightmare (both for you and the other party). This could be to your advantage 🙂 If you are in such a situation, the first step is to find out what your rights are: i.e. are you entitled to a lawyer? Then, step 2: look for a decent lawyer (yes, I agree, they are VERY difficult to find, but they do exist!) who has compassion and a strong sense of values (and I highlight this because many lawyers will simply take your case on for money, ego, or simply for the sake of increasing their KPIs but their moral compass is so skewed they can’t even find their way to the bathroom – you want to avoid these types of lawyers, for obvious reasons). A good, decent lawyer will stick by you (it could take years) and work with you to achieve an outcome that is in the best interests of you and your child (and not cave in to bureaucratic pressure).
  3. Rewinding a little – before you decide to escape, make sure you thoroughly research the country that you are thinking of fleeing to. Take note of important factors like: What is their stance and / or diplomatic ties with the country you escaped from? Do they have good relations (if they don’t then your chances are better)? Are there any extradition laws in place between your home and host countries? What is the process for extradition – e.g. will the host government hold a trial and allow you the opportunity to defend yourself in their court of law before “handing” you and your child / children back to the home country?
  4. Of course, there are many factors to consider both before and after you have made the move to relocate to your chosen host country and to go over each of these factors would be writing a book (instead of a blog!). So…
  5. If, despite all your best efforts, you are having trouble with your research and / or things are not quite going your way, then don’t hesitate to reach out to us and we will do our best to assist you – after all, most of our work is done via troubleshooting and covert strategising 🙂

I hope this chapter has been of some help! Please don’t hesitate to reach out to us if you (or anyone you know) need help. We are not your stock-standard NFP NGO, we actually give a hoot about you and your children and we respond to all messages / enquiries (unless they are spam), AND we will always do our best to assist you and your child / children! If we can’t, for whatever reason, then we will refer you to the best people / organisations who can.

Thank you for reading 🙂